It's been months since I've wrote a blog post. It feels like it was yesterday. This thing we call time, well I'm not really a fan of it. Last time I wrote Hadley was 3 months old, umm now she's 7 1/2 months. First off "wow I'm a slacker with this blog", second off " WTF " how is she 7 1/2 months old.
She's my whole world, it's safe to say my obsession with her is SO real. There is nothing I dislike about being a mother, sure i wish I had more sleep but meeting her needs is more important to me than my own. Honestly, when she sleeps I miss her. Is that crazy?? Time is bittersweet, I find my self getting sad some days when I think of those first few days with our newborn. The days when being a mom was so new. The days I didn't know if she was hungry, tired or just wanted to cry. The days where she would sleep all day. Honestly I was not someone who loved pregnancy and I miss that some days. Those days feel like a total blur, I'm afraid I will forget them. I actually think that's a huge fear of mine. I try and take so many pictures to document everything. I want to remember it all. I totally slack writing in her baby book & it makes me sad. I don't know the exact date she did certain things, that also makes me sad. I drive myself crazy trying to recap the days, the moments that are so special to me. I see other moms that document each and every thing better than I do & I compare myself. "My 1st child's baby book I filled in completely, I slacked with my second" they say. Why am I so horrible with my first? I get bummed and down about it and then I take the time to realize, it's ok that I may not know exact things, or the fact that some days feel like they never existed. What is important is I was there, she was there, those moments are what makes up each hour, day, week, month of her life. Just because my mind may wander or be non existent some days (mom brain, the struggle is real) I am beyond blessed. I wasn't writing it down because I was living it. Just because those precious moments are not on paper doesn't mean they didn't happen, it just means I was enjoying them to much to take out a pen. I was enjoying them so much that I didn't want to stop that moment and miss it to write it down. We are focused on the "milestones" the "big" steps our children take but the most important things are those little things. The little things that don't have a spot in a baby book. The moment your child grabs your face and pulls you close. The moment they are just laying in your arms content and happy. The moment they smile when you walk into a room.The moment you witness from across the room when your husband holds them close & tells them he love them. Life is about the little things & being a mother I realize that more each day.
I'm not sure how much I'll write on this blog. I'm not sure if it will be daily, weekly or even monthly. Today I was inspired to write while talking to a dear friend & I'm glad I did. It's been a while & it feels great. I hope if you read this, you enjoyed it. If your someone who stresses over missing writing moments down because you want to remember everything, I hope this helps shed some light. Whether your a parent or not, we all have amazing memories we never want to forget. You were there, you lived them & your heart is the best kept journal there is.
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